


So I could put You in my pocket...

by celedan



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Action/Adventure, Fun, Ianto gets shrunk, Jack is tinkering with alien devices again, M/M, The Hub (Torchwood), shrinking device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 04:31:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16737148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celedan/pseuds/celedan
Summary: Taking an innocent shower, Ianto suddenly finds himself in mortal peril as he starts shrinking and almost drowns in the shower. What happened?! Surely, Jack tinkering around with alien devices again...





	So I could put You in my pocket...

Ianto moaned softly, letting hot water rain down on him to sooth his aches. Mind, this time for a change, it were aches of the good kind. All week long, he'd stood in this shower trying to sooth the not so nice, work-related pains instead.

To make the current blissful experience complete, Jack's magic hands on his shoulders would be perfect right about now. But his boss was upstairs, tinkering about with the newest alien device they had found yesterday.

Ianto groaned. He so hoped Jack didn't get into any trouble with it. He was definitely not in the mood to clean up behind him again.

Although his body hurt in all the right places already (and it was only nine PM on this fine Friday night, plenty of time to get up to even more shenanigans tonight), a shiver ran down Ianto's body as his vivid imagination provided him with ideas what the rest of the night could look like.

Hiding a small, satisfied grin full of anticipation in the water beating down onto his upturned face, Ianto blindly reached for the taps to turn off the shower spray; he couldn't wait to get back to Jack all of a sudden.

Suddenly though, a jolt went through him, almost like an electric shock paired with the painful feeling of being flung into ice-cold water. The breath was knocked out of him, and Ianto gasped. Involuntarily, he let out a choked scream, then suddenly, everything started to swirl before his eyes. He tried to find leverage on the taps, but in his panic, his hands only collided with slippery tiles.

His trembling fingers scrabbled at the cold porcelain, trying to find purchase when he was gripped by a feeling of falling down. But his legs were steady, still holding him up despite his panic. No, it was the bottom of the shower tray that suddenly came nearer somehow. The pressure of the water beating down on him got stronger and stronger until it actually hurt.

Hot water blurred his sight, and finally, he lost his footing. Ianto felt as if he was a kid again, visiting the public swimming pools where they had a wave pool. His cousins (and sister) had loved ducking him under or throwing him into the high artificial waves. He'd hated it. He'd hated swimming ever since. But that was what he felt right about now: Drowning in the waves. But this time, there was no pool supervisor to save him. There was no one. And to top it off, there was the plughole he was pulled into mercilessly. Ianto had no time at all to muse on the fact that he was about to meet a very undignified end like a  pill bug getting flushed down the drain, simply accepting that fact for now as given. Maybe he would get his chance to marvel at that indignity at a later time. If he was still alive by then, that is. 

The only thing he could think of right now was getting out of here. But there was almost no escaping from the whirlpool he was being sucked into, tumbling him about until he didn't know where was up and down any more.

Ianto cried out sharply when his foot got sucked into one of the holes of the plughole. Precious air escaped his already burning lungs. At least now he knew where was up; down was where the pain was. The pain shooting through his leg at least wrenched him out of his panicked state so that his adrenalin fuelled body once more got a boost to fight for his life.

With all his might, Ianto managed to free his foot, and hoist himself up on the rim of the shower tray. With his last strength, he pushed open the shower door a little (thank God it didn't close properly, and he hadn't had the time yet to fix it although the splashed water on the floor peeved him whenever they rattled the door in their frantic rutting during shower sex – which was probably the reason it was broken in the first place), and let himself fall/slide to the floor – which wasn't such a brilliant idea since it was quite high in his current... condition.

Grunting in pain, Ianto's battered, drenched body landed on the floor with a wet smack much like the wet towels Jack constantly dropped carelessly.

For long, long minutes, he lay on the cold tiles of Jack's bathroom floor, naked, shivering and sucking in lungfuls of precious air. Eventually, he opened his eyes, and blinked water from his lashes.

His blurry gaze came to rest on the tiles he now had a close up of.

“O fy Nuw! (Oh my God) This place needs a good cleaning,” he wheezed, horribly appalled. 

_And somebody has to turn off the water_ , he thought as he struggled up into a sitting position, groaning and moaning pitifully. Through the small gap in the door, a fine spray of water from the shower still rained onto him as well as the floor, getting everything wet so that later on, Ianto would have to mop it up. 

With an impassive gaze, Ianto looked up to the shower head and the taps which seemed to be miles above him.

“Oh fuck it,” he spat, exasperated, and climbed to his feet. For a moment, his legs were wobbly, but eventually, he got some strength back into them so that they didn't feel like rubber any more. However, his left food hurt, already sporting red, angry welts from being scraped against the sharp metal of the plughole. The only thing he could do at the moment though, was to ignore the pain.

“Gotta find Jack,” he mumbled. It was his fault, Ianto was sure of it. The Captain surely had activated the alien device he had been fumbling around with which was – according to Jack – “quite safe” though. 

“I'll kill him.” 

Of course it was Jack's fault. It couldn't be someone else's, Owen was at home after all.

Giving a determined, huffy grunt, Ianto marched trough the bathroom with as much dignity as he could muster up at the moment in his naked, drenched-poodle state. He didn't even marvel at the fact that some alien device had shrunken him now that he had the time for contemplating it; things like that had obviously become the norm for his life.

What he did marvel at though, was the new perspective he suddenly had. Everything being as tall as skyscrapers was frankly quite intimidating.

And fascinating as well.

But no matter how fascinating his situation, gradually, he became aware of the cold. Jack's quarters were even colder than the rest of the Hub when he didn't switch on the old heater he had in here – which he didn't most of the time –, and he was still stark naked and wet. If he didn't get killed by his current dilemma somehow, he'd surely die of hypothermia. He'd never hear the end of it from Owen.

Ianto stopped in front of the ladder leading up to Jack's office, and looked up at the dizzying height.

“Jack!?” he called, shifting from foot to foot from cold while hoping Jack could hear him.

“Jack!” he tried again, but when there was no reaction even at the third and fourth try, Ianto decided that he couldn't stand here for the rest of the night and wail for Jack like a stroppy damsel in distress.

Wincing in self-pity, he raised his arms to grab the edge of the first rung. Thank God he hadn't shrunken that much, at least he still had the size of a – he shuddered at the comparison – Barbie doll. That way he could still climb the ladder. Not comfortably, mind, he would get more workout like that than in a whole week chasing aliens, but, at least he had a chance like that.

“You're so stupid, Jones!” he huffed after he had managed to climb the first two rungs (of ten), already breaking out in a sweat, even if not cold any more. “Why didn't I simply climb into Jack's bed to wait for him there!?”

Since he couldn't answer that question himself, he carried on climbing, and spared the breath for swearing. Swearing was an important part of his ordeal at the moment to make himself feel much, much better.

Eight rungs later, Ianto climbed from the whole in the ground into Jack's office, his legs and arms once more feeling like rubber.

“Jack?” he wheezed with burning lungs, and he looked up to Jack's desk expectantly.

“What!?” he whined incredulously under laboured breath when there was no Jack Harkness sitting at his desk. Had the idiot managed to shrunk himself as well or where the Hell had he disappeared to?! He wouldn't have scarpered off onto the next rooftop with Ianto still naked in the shower, would he? The notion was preposterous. It was Captain Jack Harkness after all. 

Meaning, he had to be somewhere in the Hub. 

“Jack?!” Ianto weakly tried for one last time. Then, he set his tired limbs into motion again. 

Slowly, his sweat-slicked (and not in the fun way) body cooled down again, and Ianto started shivering once more.

Dying of hypothermia after all.

Shivering, he made his way out of the office into the main part of the Hub.

“This gives a whole new meaning to Naked Hide and Seek,” he grumbled, wrapping his arms tighter around his upper body.

He couldn't see much of the Hub, but at least the team's workplaces as well as the kitchenette were clearly in his line of sight.

No Jack.

Where the heck was that man!

Down in the Archives to do research on their new toy? Could be possible.

“I'll kill him if he touches anything down there.”

Relieved that Jack at least wasn't messing with the coffee maker, Ianto made his way down into the main area of the Hub while now and again calling out for Jack – with no luck though.

Carefully making his way over to the board room, Ianto suddenly froze when he heard a noise behind him.

His heart pounding, he spun around since he knew that childishly ignoring the noise in the hopes that it would go away on its own again could cost him his life.

Involuntarily, he gasped as he was suddenly face to face with a rat!

“What the...” he squeaked in shock at the close proximity of the beast to his person as well as its sheer size. Granted, his perspective was rather skewed at the moment, but nonetheless, he was pretty sure that this rat was unusually big. Who knew with which alien substances it had come into contact that had turned it into a mutated rat. He hadn't realised they had a rodent problem at all down here, except for the Weevils that is. 

The fury pest calmly looked at him out of beetle-black eyes, its whiskers quivering, and its pink nose twitching as it caught Ianto's scent, probably contemplating if he was a delicious treat or not.

Eventually, after a lengthy staring contest, the rat obviously came to the decision that Ianto was edible because it suddenly took a few leaping steps forward.

Ianto let out an unmanly squeak, and turned tail.

“When I get eaten by rodents, it'll be all your fault, Jack Harkness!” he screamed, infuriated. But the only one listening was the rat chasing him, and it seemed as if it didn't care much about his protests.

Though adrenaline-fuelled, Ianto felt his legs getting heavier, his lungs burning from the strain. He couldn't keep this up much longer.

Suddenly, he stumbled over his own feet, and came crashing down on the hard floor, whipping his aching body around immediately to face the rat. It came closer and closer. Ianto simply knew that he couldn't escape any more. Screw his eyes tightly shut and accept his fate of being rat fodder, or try to fight; that where his options.

He settled for fighting since, at the very least, he didn't want to give Owen the chance to laugh his head off about Ianto's undignified demise when someone finally discovered his mutilated remains by stepping into them (and he really cared too much about Owen Harper's opinion tonight, dammit). So, raising his fists to brake the impact with the rat, Ianto took a deep breath...

An ear-splitting screeching made the rat and him freeze, and for a split second, they looked at each other. Then, the rodent gave off a high squeak of terror before it suddenly was picked up into the air.

Shaking with adrenaline and shock, Ianto watched Myfanwy sail through the air with the struggling rat in her beak. The pterosaur landed on the railing surrounding the water tower not far from where Ianto still lay, leaned her head back, and opened her beak a little so that the rat simply dropped down her throat.

Ianto shuddered, and congratulated himself in his decision on having decided against live food for their prehistoric pet up until now.

“What have you got there?”

A familiar, sorely missed voice suddenly reached his ears, and then, Jack came into his line of sight.

“Oh, good girl!” the Captain cooed when he saw what Myfanwy was doing. He reached out to touch her, but withdrew his hand at the last moment. 

A feeling of smug self-satisfaction coursed through Ianto for a second as he saw this since now he knew that he could pride himself on definitely being the only one who could touch Myfanwy safely. Even the great Jack Harkness had some healthy respect of her. Good. But, after all, Ianto was the one who fed her. And since she was a clever girl, she'd taken the saying “You don't bite the hand that feeds you” to heart.

Shaking his head wildly to come out of his wool-gathering, Ianto jumped up, and waved his hands in the air.

“Jack!” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Jack observed the satisfied pterosaur for a moment longer with fondness, when he suddenly startled as he heard someone call his name.

Confused, he looked around.

“Ianto?” he asked loudly, but couldn't see his lover. But the voice had been quite far away. Was he still down in the bathroom? Did he need help somehow or was he simply fed up with waiting for Jack?

Oh, Jack hoped it was the latter.

A grin slowly spreading over his features, Jack turned around, and marched back into his office.

Huffing and rolling his eyes, Ianto took off at a run. For one split-second, he contemplated attracting Myfanwy's attention, and climbing on her back so he could fly the – for him – considerable distance back to Jack's office. But he discarded the idea again immediately since he couldn't be sure that Myfanwy recognised him in this diminutive form. Worst case, she didn't, and Ianto ended up in her stomach as well.

No, thanks.

Hoping dearly that she was contend for now with her after-dinner-snack, Ianto ran past her, not looking up if she had spotted him or not, and dashed for Jack's office. Turning the corner blindly, he suddenly crashed into something hard and warm.

Tumbling onto the cold floor – again –, Ianto let out a breathless grunt as all air was pressed from his lungs as he landed hard on his back.

Blinking, he looked up, directly into the shocked eyes of Jack Harkness.

The Captain and his Archivist looked at each other for a few seconds, none of them blinking, before Jack suddenly crouched down.

“Ianto?!” he cried, incredulous, and swiftly picked his miniature lover up. 

Clinging to Jack's hand as he was hoisted up so suddenly, Ianto ended up sitting naked on Jack's outstretched palm.

“Look at you!” Jack laughed, clearly delighted about his unexpected find. “What happened?” 

Giddy like a little kid, Jack reached out, and wanted to poke at Ianto with one finger that the other man quickly slapped away in irritation.

Jack turned a little so that the lights from his desk caught Ianto more clearly, and he stared down at his lover in fascination.

Jack's expression turned from delighted into slightly thoughtful. Ianto suddenly shuddered under this contemplative, intense gaze he was projected to.

“Jack, whatever you're thinking. Stop. Right. Now.” He really didn't want to imagine what Jack was currently cooking up in that perverted mind of his, but Ianto was very sure that it would put a damper on even his newly-discovered adventurous streak.

Chuckling highly amused, Jack tried to reign in his delight somewhat, and put on a serious face.

“I'd be incredibly grateful if you could find something for me to wear,” Ianto snapped. “I'm bloody freezing here.”

That set Jack into action, his concern now more sincere. “Oh yeah, wait.”

He stuck his free hand into his trouser pocket, and pulled forth a folded piece of cloth. He handed it over to Ianto whom he still held in his palm instead of putting him down onto the desk. He was like a little kid right now who didn't want to let go of his Christmas present, jealously guarding it at all costs, Ianto thought, part amused, part exasperated. At least, Jack's palm was warm.

Grateful, Ianto unfurled the cloth, and wrapped it around his shivering body, Jack's face falling a little at the sight. Thank God Jack was old-fashioned, and still used handkerchiefs.

“Again. What happened?”

Thank God Jack started to take the situation serious if his no-nonsense face was anything to go by.

“I was in the shower,” Ianto explained slowly, “and imagine my shocked surprise when I suddenly started to shrink.” He glared at the Captain. “I almost drowned in the shower, and only narrowly escaped being rat fodder. So, at least tell me your tinkering with our new artefact is responsible for my plight and not something else.”

For a moment, Jack held Ianto's accusing gaze, then he dropped his own, chuckling a little sheepishly. “Yeah, spot on, I'm afraid.” His sheepishness suddenly vanished again. “Wait a minute. Drowned, rat?!” He reached out to tug away the handkerchief Ianto held on for dear life to now. “Are you hurt?”

“I'm fine, Jack,” Ianto assured, and stemmed against Jack's tugging at the fabric while deftly trying to hide his hurt foot from Jack's prying eyes. “Let go. I'm fine.”

Huffing, Jack obeyed, and suddenly let go of the make-shift blanket, almost causing Ianto to topple over on Jack's hand.

Jack scrutinised him for another long, serious moment before he nodded once to himself. “I'll call the others, Friday night be damned.”

“No!” Ianto screeched.

Jack froze in his attempt to turn around and reach for the phone. Confused, he blinked at Ianto.

“Owen will never, ever let me live this down.”

Slightly exasperated, Jack rolled his eyes, but abided by Ianto's wish. “You rather stay like that instead?”

“Oh come on, Captain. Don't tell me you need the others to reverse a small – sorry the pun – problem such as this!”

Ianto cocked an expecting eyebrow. “You have hundreds of years of experience under your belt, and you're from the future. Do you honestly want to let some twenty-first century humans handle for you what you could do in the blink of an eye?”

This made Jack chuckle because he clearly recognised Ianto's endeavour to appeal to his pride and vanity. In the end, he shrugged. “Okay, you're probably right. I should learn to depend on myself again much more. I've become a little lazy, letting all of you handle the work.” He stood up straighter and puffed himself up. “Of course I can reverse whatever that artefact did. We'll have you back good as new faster than you can see!”

“My hero,” Ianto muttered sarcastically, but gratefully clung to Jack's thumb as the Captain marched around his desk to sit down. He steadfastly ignored the cheeky wink Jack gave him.

Ianto growled softly when he saw the device that was responsible for his plight lying on Jack's desk innocently, still looking like a fancy electric razor from the future. Well, not the device was at fault, but the one who couldn't resist pawing the thing. Said culprit just sat down in his chair, and carefully put his hand onto the table so that Ianto could climb onto the desk's surface, and Jack could pick up the device again.

Ianto shivered when his bare feet touched the cool tabletop, and he would have loved to make a jump onto Jack's coral-thingy that sat under a wonderfully warm lamp to... whatever Jack was doing with the thing. Growing it or something like that. Into what, Ianto still hadn't figured out.

Whatever. But since he knew that Jack was guarding the thing jealously, he remained standing in the cold instead.

Worried, he watched Jack turn the device in his hands this way and that, punching buttons, and shaking it once like a cocktail shaker. Ianto grimaced painfully.

“Jack?”

“Hm?”

“Do you really think that's wise what you are doing?”

“Huh?” Jack looked up from his tinkering, blinking at Ianto with big eyes.

Ianto let out a long-suffering sigh, and rolled his eyes. “You could make it worse,” he explained pointedly slow so that Jack would get it.

Jack blinked once more, but then he shrugged, and threw Ianto one of his beaming I'm-the-Captain grins that made even stronger men than Ianto go weak in the knees.

“Don't worry. I'm just recreating the circumstances.”

Ianto refrained from slapping his forehead in exasperation. No wonder he was in the state he was in right now. He mentally made a note to draft up a regulation that banned Jack from getting his grabby hands on anything looking even remotely alien. And when he was at it, Owen probably as well.

Getting more worried by the minute, Ianto frowned suspiciously as Jack started to frown in return, his movements becoming jagged and slightly violent, and he let out frustrated huffs.

“Eh, Jack...”

“Why won't this thing...” he growled, and shook the device once more particularly vicious.

Suddenly, the thing gave off an angry beeping tone, some lights flashed, and Ianto's last thought was that in a few seconds, he would either have a companion in mini-land, or they would both be dead because Jack managed to blow up the whole Hub.

When he opened his eyes again tentatively, to his surprise, he looked down on to Jack who couldn't seem to decide if he should grin up at Ianto or ogle the rest of his body.

Ianto noticed several things at once in that moment.

First, they weren't dead. Second, Jack's mistreatment of the device seemed to have worked, and he was back to his original height. And third, he sat stark naked on the work desk of Captain Jack Harkness like an All-You-Can-Eat Christmas buffet. And that's exactly how Jack looked at him right now.

Oh well, he thought. There were worse ways to celebrate having survived another Torchwood crisis.

But if Jack thought he had any say in what would happen tonight, then he had another thing coming.

With a slightly devilish smile, Ianto slid from the desk directly into Jack's lap, Jack's warm arms immediately coming around his chilled body. Straddling the Captain in his office chair, he wrapped his arms around Jack's neck, grabbing his hair with one hand to tilt Jack's face up to him just to his liking before he bend down to kiss him possessively.

**End**

 


End file.
